I hadn’t talked to Elise since we had a text message conversation along these lines:
E: I’m going to a house show tonight with my friend Josh.
ME: Cool. Don’t go falling in love with him.
I was joking. I would say I was clearly joking, but she’s 19, of course subtext is beyond her. I apologize in advance to all the 19 year olds out there that like me, I am just speaking hyperbolically and you should not hesitate to get in touch with me ASAP.
E: Should I fall in love with you?
I waited the duration of the Greek dinner (complete with Gyro, fries and ginger ale) before responding.
ME: No. You should not do that at all.
ME: Broken hearts is the number one cause of deaths in teens.
This may have been too harsh. Clearly, I’m not in touch with how teens, or let’s just say kids born in the nineties, interpret sarcasm or exaggeration.
E: What the fuck?! I thought you were going to be romantic?!
ME: Look. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, I’m just trying to be pragmatic. Approach this situation sensibly. You go to school three hours away.
[no response for days]
ME: How’s dorm life?