New York Minutes

On a Date with a 19 Year old (Part 2)

Part 2

After the initial shock of the combine task of both date and chaperone, we settled in the movie theater. I had picked the movie out of time necessity.  Big mistake.

Although we had done a substantial amount of harmless pre-flirting in text form, I was scared to make any moves.  This, of course, was a combination of the fact that I kind of felt weird in a situation with someone my little sister’s age and the fact that there was a substantial amount of giant black cock in the movie we happened upon.

Eventually, after we saw our tenth or so set of breasts, I got enough courage to play footsy with her.  She looked at me as if I was retarded (I know not P.C. but the most concise way to get that “What the fuck is this, middle school?” look from a freshman in college).

On the way home, we laughed forcedly about the movie and the giant black cock – it haunts me still, hanging, curved slightly to the left.  Then the scars let me remember the tiny, minuscule, puny Irish Catholic dick in that same scene.  (I fall somewhere between.)

At her door step, being mindful not to wake Dad, I stopped.

“Sorry I didn’t get enough courage to hold your hand,” I said shyly.  In retrospect, I think it was an even split between honesty and theatrics.  I mean come on, she was 19, this is a novelty.

She grabbed my hand and looked up at me.  In my head, she wiped her nose in a way that that loud sniffle/wet wipe comes from a sick elementary schooler – alas she didn’t.

I looked her in the eyes.  Well, through trendy, thick black frames.

She gave me that look.  I leaned in.

BOOM BABY! Kiss town.

On a Date with a 19 year old

I went on a date with a 19 year old girl, Elise. I met her after getting my friend to text his mutual friend of hers if “When can I take you out to Long John Silver’s?” It seemed like a safe and goofy thing to say, so I really hadn’t risked too much. For some reason or another, I don’t know if it’s my hobo-chic look or my raunchy standup routine, or what, but she was super excited.

I picked her up from her parents house around 9:45PM – she’s came back home from college and not still in high school, otherwise it’d be past her bedtime. We were going to see a movie, an R-rated movie, which was a great way to break the ice – sitting side by side but conversation not exactly encouraged.

The ride there felt ok. I did most of the talking and she seemed nervous beyond nervous. But I tried to keep myself goofy and ended up asking her enough questions that I began to annoy myself. Mostly things like “What’s your favorite color?”, “How’s freshman year?”, “How are the dorms treating you?”. Honestly I felt more like her Dad than anything. But she was cute and not short so the age gap didn’t really make much of a ripple on the situation … yet.

When we got to the box office, we asked for tickets. At this point I didn’t know it was rated R, however she was 19 and I am 22 so nothing really could go awry.

“ID, please,” the box office girl asked.

Elise turned to me, “I don’t have my ID. I left it at home.”

“Ok, no problem, well we’ll just doing something else then,” I said.

I was turning around when the box office girl asked, “Well let me see your ID, just in case.”

I shrugged, gave Elise a sheepish smile trying to pull her out of her mood which had grown from nerves to embarrassment into full-blown grumpiness. The girl in the box office looked at my ID and said, “You’re good. You’re over 21 so I can let you both in.”

This was both at once relieving and worth the entire somewhat blind date: I was her date and chaperone!

Quick summary of the night that followed:

- Movie had a scene with extended shots of a giant black penis which made for great awkward tension between the two of us

- We didn’t hold hands but I got so bold as to play footsy with her

- I took her home at around 12:15 and sent her off like a gentleman

Movie Review: Elephant by Gus Van Sant

I was just thinking about great American films and remembered the little gem that is Elephant by Gus Van Sant.

Now, to be a true and honest and discerning critic, I must admit that I was disappointed.  While I am for school violence, I found the substance to be lacking.  Don’t get me wrong, the shooting parts were everything I hoped they’d be but the film lacked on a whole a cohesive story.

The colors were wonderful; what I’d expect from old Gus.  And the way in which they shot the film, the long and expressive tableaus, really set the mood and characterization into motion.  I especially like the part when the boys gave each other tableau jobs.

Overall: B-